Friends,
I’m tempted to lie to you right now and say that things are all awesome and great. In part, they are, but mostly, they aren’t, well, not in the sense that I'm real comfortable and everything is peachy. My job is good and the people I'm here with are wonderful. I wake up every morning, walk one hundred yards and from then on stare at mountains all day. The "not all awesome and great" is more because I’m overwhelmed even as I type this right now. Not with fatigue or exhaustion from work, but my spirit is absolutely in pain. I think I shared with you in my last letter that I asked very simply that our God would show me His heart. I don’t know why that particular prayer was so burdensome, as if I just had to ask Him that (I couldn't not, you know what I mean?), but I did, and I think He is beginning to do just that and I’m not allowed to close my eyes. It's broken. His heart is broken and I don’t know if I’ve ever really felt it like this before. I’ve met four different people in the last nine days that I have literally had to fight back tears because of the nature of the Spirit's openness in that moment. I’m not used to that and it’s really overwhelming. I know that God is showing me this pain in my generation for a reason, without doubt it is beneficial, but certainly I did not expect it. There have been moments of joy in this season of discovery as well, times where my tears have come from a simple moment of celebrating His glory. I can’t describe that for you at all, though I would like for you to know what I mean. I hope you do. The people I’m out here with are being worked on in a wonderful way. I hope you take the time to read the blog posts at www.bcwyominginterns.blogspot.com; they’re well worth it. You see what I mean now? I suppose it's a great place to be, but certainly it is not comfortable.
*Sigh* There are many out here that are absolutely lost… no questions asked. I am about to start my regular shift for security out here now: 8:30pm-6:00am for 46 paid hours a week. It’s not so much the graveyard shift as it is the busting drunks shift I guess. The local bars and employee bar all close at midnight and if there are any disturbances in GTLC property, it will be my job to “calm things down” as it were. The upside of this situation will be that I get to spend afternoons with my friends and people out here AND that I will be up and around for every sunset and sunrise for sure (that I can support). I plan to spend a lot of those early morning hours in prayer for those of you working during the day and ministering in your respective places. If you have anything going on that I can bring up on your behalf, please let me know somehow. God is good. Though His heart is broken for the wounded and struggling and dying and lost, His joy is even more incredible in light of His redeemed. Is He satisfied? I do not believe so, though I know that He is certainly pleased with His Bride. Continue to pray for discernment for my spirit out here, please. As well, pray for boldness in times of opportunity. I have never felt such an awareness of brokenness around me and yet felt so powerless to speak into it as now. Pray for the Holy Spirit’s clear guidance and direction. That is all I can truly desire right now. Thank you all for your sharing these things with me. I pray that you as well will continue to seek His heart more and more and more, even into the depth of brokenness. I pray you continually remember that He is watching you and truly longs for you to know Him more intimately. I pray that you would have the courage to want that as well, even in the midst of sacrificing comforts and conveniences. Indeed, there will be sacrifices. I hope the summer is coming in with great dreams and risky prayers for you too. Press on.
In Him,
Greg
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16 years ago